@Begin
@Participants:	JPN004
@Age:	48
@Sex:	M
@YearInSchool:	M1
@Major:	other
@StudyHistory:	36
@OtherLanguage:	German=2;none=
@Qualification:	none=;none=;none=
@Abroad:	none=;none=
@Reading:	5
@Writing:	3
@Listening:	5
@Speaking:	2
@JapaneseEssay:	4
@EnglishEssay:	3
@Difficulty:	3
@Topic:	school education
@TWE:	3;3;3
@Comments:	
@Coder:	2005-12-21 DataInputBy SAKAUE Tatsuya;
@Version:	2.0
*JPN004:	School education
%NTV:	Important aspects of school education
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN004:	I think that school education is important for children from the view point of their future social life.
%NTV:	I think that school education is important for children's future social lives.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	They learn their future life style through school education: how to get along with other people, how to keep good manner in the society, how to live their happy life.
%NTV:	They learn their future lifestyles in school: how to get along with other people, how to keep good manners in society, how to live a happy life.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	They cannot learn these things through their house life.
%NTV:	They cannot learn these things at home.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	They learn them mostly through school education.
%NTV:	
%COM:	I would recommend cutting this sentence--it just repeats what you said above.
*JPN004:	If it were not for school education, the society will be disorder.
%NTV:	If not for school education, society would be in disorder.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	We must build the right school education in order to build the comfortable society to live in.
%NTV:	We must build the right education system to build a comfortable society to live in.
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN004:	School education has three main points: subject learning, club activity, school events.
%NTV:	School education has three main points: school events, club activities, and subject learning.
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN004:	At first, I want to speak of school events.
%NTV:	First, I will focus on school events.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	School events have school trip, school excursion, sports festival and culture festival.
%NTV:	These include school trips, excursions, sports festivals, and culture festivals.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	These events are important because they can learn how to behave in other people.
%NTV:	These events are important because they are opportunities for students to learn how to behave with other people.
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN004:	Second I want to speak of club activity.
%NTV:	Club activities are also important.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	They can learn discipline and moral mainly through club activity.
%NTV:	Students can learn discipline and morals mainly through these activities.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	They must think much of other club members.
%NTV:	They must consider other club members.
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN004:	Third, I want to speak of subject learning.
%NTV:	Third, I want to address subject learning.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	Subject learning is important in that it gives them the ability to think.
%NTV:	This is important in that it gives them the ability to think.
%COM:	I would recommend combining the above two sentences: "Subject learning is important in that it gives them the ability to think." You're not discussing this long enough that it needs an introductory sentence.
%par:
*JPN004:	I think that school education is important from these three points
%NTV:	I think that school education is important because of these three points.
%COM:	I would favor cutting this sentence--it's just repeating what you have already said.
%par:
*JPN004:	School education has some aspects in educating children.
%NTV:	School education thus has multiple important aspects in educating children.
%COM:	
*JPN004:	One of some aspects is to show discipline and moral for children.
%NTV:	One of these aspects is to teach them the discipline and morals they will need later in life.
%COM:	I think this sentence is probably your conclusion, but you have already made this point. I would favor cutting this.
*JPN004:	I think that school education has three main points: subject learning, club activity, school events School education School education has also various school events: school trip, school excursion, sports festival, culture festival      
%NTV:	NU
%COM:	This might be a mistake with inputting the text. This line just repeats what has already been said and should be deleted.
@End
