@Begin
@Participants:	JPN009
@Age:	18
@Sex:	F
@YearInSchool:	U1
@Major:	education
@StudyHistory:	7
@OtherLanguage:	French=0.6;German=0.1
@Qualification:	STEP=2(2000);none=;none=
@Abroad:	none=;none=
@Reading:	4
@Writing:	2
@Listening:	4
@Speaking:	4
@JapaneseEssay:	1
@EnglishEssay:	3
@Difficulty:	3
@Topic:	sports
@TWE:	3;3;3
@Comments:	
@Coder:	2005-12-21 DataInputBy SAKAUE Tatsuya;
@Version:	2.0
*JPN009:	You should continue SPORTS
%NTV:	You should continue playing sports
%COM:	Alternative title: Persistence is the key in sports and in life
%par:
*JPN009:	Do you play sports?
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	
*JPN009:	There are many kinds of sports in the world.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	These are fine grammatically, but I would recommend cutting the above two lines--they sound a bit too informal and juvenile for an essay.
*JPN009:	Whatever you play, it is important to continue to practice it.
%NTV:	Whatever sport you play, continuing to practice it is important.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	I played kendo in high school and it told me how important to continue to practice a thing, even if it is too hard.
%NTV:	My experience playing kendo in high school taught me the importance of continuing to practice something even if it is too hard.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	Of course it is truth to not only sports, but also studying, working or everything.
%NTV:	Of course, this truth applies not only to playing sports, but also to studying, working, and everything else.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	Whatever you try to do, it is important to continue to practice it.
%NTV:	Whatever you do, perseverance is the key.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	And I first learned that from kendo.
%NTV:	That is what I first learned from kendo.
%COM:	This is really just repeating what you have already said. I would favor cutting this.
%par:
*JPN009:	When I was a high school student, I belonged to the kendo club in the high school.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	Again, I would recommend cutting this. You have already said this.
*JPN009:	I was attracted by a smile of a member of the kendo club when I was looking around clubs in first year.
%NTV:	I was attracted by the smile of a member of the kendo club when I was looking around at the clubs my first year.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	And I joined kendo club soon because of her smile like the sun.
%NTV:	I soon decided to join the kendo club because of her smile, which was like the sun.
%COM:	You might want to put an adjective in front of "smile." For example, "friendly" would communicate why you were attracted.
*JPN009:	I am not good at playing sports and I had not played kendo.
%NTV:	I was not good at playing sports and had never played kendo.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	But the smile told me how fun kendo is, and how friendly the members are, so I decided to belong to the kendo club.
%NTV:	But the smile told me how much fun kendo is and how friendly the members are, so I decided to join the kendo club.
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN009:	At first, I become good at playing kendo day by day even though I did it first time, and it was very fun.
%NTV:	At first, I improved at playing kendo day by day even though it was my first time, and it was a lot of fun.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	Every time I went to practice, I got something new.
%NTV:	Every time I went to practice, I learned something new.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	But gradually, I could not play kendo well however hard I practice it.
%NTV:	But gradually, I could not improve no matter how hard I practiced.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	It was hard time.
%NTV:	It was a hard time.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	The other members who had started kendo from high school together became better and better.
%NTV:	The other members who had started kendo with me became better and better.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	On the other hand, I could not hit kote very well.
%NTV:	Meanwhile, I could not even hit [the?] kote very well.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	I could not understand how to fight my partner.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	Instead of "partner," do you mean "opponent" here and elsewhere?
*JPN009:	But my friends taught me, cheered me and practiced together.
%NTV:	Still, my friends taught me, cheered me, and practiced with me.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	With their supports, I continued to practice kendo.
%NTV:	With their support, I continued to practice kendo.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	One day, the end of my first year, I found my change.
%NTV:	One day, at the end of my first year, I found a change in my playing.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	I can play kendo, I know how to hit my partner.
%NTV:	"I can play kendo," I thought, "I know how to hit my partner!"
%COM:	
*JPN009:	It was exciting.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	
*JPN009:	From then, every time I fought in a tournament, I could win at least twice.
%NTV:	From then on, every time I fought in a tournament, I could win at least twice.
%COM:	
*JPN009:	And I realized that I can do anything else if I would not throw it away.
%NTV:	I realized that I can do anything if I do not give up.
%COM:	This is my best guess at your intended meaning. Please check carefully.
*JPN009:	It is important to continue.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	I would recommend cutting this--the previous sentence makes a fine conclusion and makes this point as well.
%par:
*JPN009:	In the conclusion
%NTV:	NU
%COM:	This text should be cut unless you are going to continue with a conclusion after this.
@End
