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JPN501.txt

*disclaimer
306288

@Begin
@Participants:	JPN501
@PID:	PIDJP501
@Age:	21
@Sex:	F
@YearInSchool:	U2
@Major:	agriculture
@StudyHistory:	8
@OtherLanguage:	Chinese=1.0;none=
@Qualification:	TOEIC=590(2013);none=;none=
@Abroad:	none=;none=
@Reading:	3
@Writing:	2
@Listening:	2
@Speaking:	1
@JapaneseEssay:	4
@EnglishEssayEx:	3
@EnglishEssay:	2
@Difficulty:	
@EssayTraining:	3
@SelfEval:	2
@TopicEase:	4
@Topic:	sports
@Criterion:	4
@Proctor:	1
@Comments:	
@Date:	2013-12-17
@Version:	1.3.1
*JPN501:	What kind of sports do you like?
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	
*JPN501:	Do you like soccer, base ball or swimming?
%NTV:	Do you like soccer, baseball, or swimming?
%COM:	"Baseball" is one word. In lists with three or more items, put a comma between each item, including one before the final "and".
*JPN501:	There are many and variety sports around the world.
%NTV:	There are many varieties of sports around the world.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	A country has some traditional sports.
%NTV:	Most countries have some traditional sports.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	Of course, there are some traditional sports in Japan.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	
*JPN501:	They are called "BUDO".
%NTV:	They are called budo.
%COM:	This word does not require capitalization.
*JPN501:	BUDO are JYUDO, KENDO, KYUDO and so on.
%NTV:	Budo include judo, kendo, kyudo, and so on.
%COM:	These words do not require capitalization.
*JPN501:	If you play BUDO, there is an important thing that you must remember.
%NTV:	If you play budo, there is one important thing you must remember. 
%COM:	
*JPN501:	It is "REI".
%NTV:	It is rei.
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN501:	First,  "REI" is the feeling that you thank people who are involved in the game.
%NTV:	First, rei is the custom of thanking people who are involved in the game.
%COM:	It seems that "rei" is describing an action here, so it would be a "custom" rather than a "feeling".
*JPN501:	For example, when the game will start, players bow each other.
%NTV:	For example, when the game starts, players bow to each other.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	and when the game ended, players bow each other, too.
%NTV:	When the game ends, players bow to each other, too.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	Players cannot play a game without an enemy.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	
*JPN501:	This is the expression that players thank each other for playing the game.
%NTV:	This is the expression by which players thank each other for playing the game.
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN501:	Secondly,  "REI" is the feeling that you thank the place where you play the game.
%NTV:	Second, rei is the custom of thanking the place where you play the game.
%COM:	The "-ly" ending is old-fashioned -- just say "first", "second", etc.
*JPN501:	BUDO players must bow when they enter the BUDOJYO (the playing place) and when they leave there.
%NTV:	Budo players must bow when they enter the budojyo (playing place) and when they leave.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	And you must clean the BUDOJYO because you thank the BUDOJYO for playing there.
%NTV:	Players must also clean the budojyo as thanks for playing there.
%COM:	Avoid starting sentences with coordinating conjunctions ("and" here).
%par:
*JPN501:	Finally, "REI" is the feeling that you thank yourself.
%NTV:	Finally, rei is the custom of thanking yourself.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	In BUDO, you think about yourself deeply.
%NTV:	In budo, you think about yourself deeply.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	For example, in soccer, players have many team mates.
%NTV:	For example, in soccer, players have many teammates.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	But many BUDO have no team mate, you must play with yourself.
%NTV:	However, many budo have no teammate; instead, you must play against yourself.
%COM:	Avoid starting sentences with coordinating conjunctions. You can change "but" to "however".
*JPN501:	So you must fight not only the enemy but also yourself who feel awful, tired, sad, pain and so on in the BUDO game.
%NTV:	This means, in budo, you must fight not only the enemy but also yourself, even if you feel awful, tired, sad, in pain, and so on.
%COM:	Avoid starting sentences with coordinating conjunctions. You can change "so" to "this means".
*JPN501:	You must beat weak yourself.
%NTV:	NG
%COM:	
*JPN501:	If you can beat him, you would feel how much you could grow.
%NTV:	If you can beat the enemy, you can feel how much you can grow.
%COM:	It's not clear who "him" refers to.
*JPN501:	Then, you can thank yourself for your efforts.
%NTV:	OK
%COM:	
%par:
*JPN501:	BUDO can make your body strong.
%NTV:	Budo can make your body strong.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	This is the same good point which other sports give.
%NTV:	This is the same good point that other sports give.
%COM:	Use "that", not "which", with restrictive clauses.
*JPN501:	But BUDO must give you many other good points, for example, mental strong, taught  from "REI".
%NTV:	However, because of rei, budo provides many additional good points, such as mental strength.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	So, today, many people plays and loves BUDO around the world.
%NTV:	This is why, today, many people play and love budo around the world.
%COM:	
*JPN501:	We Japanese should be proud of and teach more many people around the world about this traditional sports "BUDO".
%NTV:	We Japanese should be proud of and teach many more people around the world about our traditional sports, budo.
%COM:	
@End